Your baby nursery

Where you live will probably dictate whether a baby nursery is the norm; and your budget and living accommodation will influence whether you are able to follow that norm or tradition and supply your new baby with their own separate nursery. A baby nursery, or separate bedroom for a new born, is not the usual practice in many countries. My children by my first marriage were brought up in England, where a baby, on being taken home from hospital, will go home to a separate bedroom or nursery. My young daughter, Saffron, was born here in the Philippines where the tradition is for babies to sleep with the parents. It can be a difficult choice for new parents: do we put our new baby in her own nursery room, or do we have her in our bedroom in a crib or even in our bed? There are conflicting opinions about this choice, and it is one that attracted quite a lot of comment and surprise here when we opted to put Saffron in her own crib in her own nursery room, the day she came home from the baby clinic. I was very firm in my own mind that a separate room is best in the long term, and therefore it is best in the beginning. A baby, and then child, will grow in accordance with what they are used to, and what they come to see and feel as the norm. The most important things for a baby are that : 1. They are fed well; 2. They are kept clean; 3. They are comfortable; 4. They feel secure knowing that the parents, especially mother, will be there when she wakes. 5. They are loved. All of those things are easily achievable in a baby nursery separate from the parents' room. Advantages Of A Separate Baby Nursery A separate baby nursery brings with it a number of important advantages, for the baby and the parents. These include: 1. The baby will sleep undisturbed by parents coming and going. As they get older, that will be particularly important in the evening and night. 2. The parents will have their own privacy and time for themselves. This will be more and more appreciated as the weeks, months and then years pass. 3. The parents will sleep better too, especially compared to those who have a baby in their own bed. 4. The baby is more likely to grow into a strong and independent child, with a large amount of confidence. So long as they are happy and secure, they will not be worried about sleeping alone, as this is what they have come to expect. They know that when they wake, their mother and father are close to hand. Disadvantages Of A Separate Baby Nursery I cannot think of one genuine disadvantage of a separate baby nursery, assuming that the room is within earshot. A baby at birth can cry quite loudly, and why should that be if the natural state is always for the mother to be at their side? A baby cries so mother can hear from a distance. If that distance is another bedroom nearby, then that is fine. The baby will be unconcerned if it cries and you appear through a door rather than at her side already. Some first time parents will worry that they will not hear the baby if they are asleep and she is in a separate room. There is no need to worry; the mother especially will be tuned in to the cry of the baby, and will be subconsciously alert to the slightest sound. My wife was concerned about this very thing when Saffron was born, so for her assurance we left our bedroom door open, and Saffron's door too. She soon realised there was no risk of not hearing the baby, so first Saffron's door, and then our door, were later kept closed at night. Always remember, babies cry to be heard, so unless you are both very heavy sleepers, there is very little chance of you not hearing the baby when she is hungry, needs changing, or has some other problem.

Keep your child s smile in shape this summer

All children look forward to summer vacation, but the change in routine can make it difficult for them to keep up with a proper oral care regimen. Also, summertime delights such as lemonade and ice cream can put them at high risk for tooth decay-the single most common chronic childhood disease, according to the U. S. Surgeon General. By following these tips from Crest Healthy Smiles, a national outreach program designed to combat the nation's oral health epidemic, children can keep their smiles healthy all summer long. • Play hide and seek...but don't let soda find its way into your fridge! After playing outside, kids come home thirsty and usually reach for a soda. It's best to "hide" carbonated beverages, which contain very high levels of acid and dissolve calcium from tooth enamel. Instead, keep low-sugar drinks like natural fruit juice or water on hand so kids will "seek" out a healthier way to quench their thirst. • Read your child's way to a healthy smile. Reading with your child is a way to bring the family together during the summer, while learning valuable lessons at the same time. Pick a book that encourages healthy habits, like "Ricky and Andrea's Healthy Beautiful Smiles," co-authored by celebrity mom Dayanara Torres. This story, about a brother and sister as they take their first trip to the dentist and learn valuable oral care habits, is available for free by calling (866) 989-9968 (while supplies last). • Plan a field trip to the dentist. To ward off gum disease and tooth decay, it is important to visit the dentist twice a year. To get your children excited for the occasion, treat them to a trip to the zoo or a picnic in the park after the appointment. Having something fun to look forward to after the dentist makes it feel more like a field trip. • Keep pesky caries away! Ice cream and popsicles are popular ways to keep cool during the summer. However, occasional sugary treats don't have to ruin healthy teeth and gums. Afterwards, just make sure your child brushes for a full two minutes with cavity-repellent toothpaste with fluoride to keep that smile healthy! To make brushing more flavorful, stock up on toothpaste flavors like lemon or bubble gum.

Are you letting your children manipulate you

Rachael is the young mother of Nathan, who just turned two. Rachael is a stay-at-home mother who works part-time at home and has the help of a housekeeper five days a week. Rachael consulted with me because of her problems with Nathan. “When Nathan is with David (her husband), he’s fine. He adores David and listens well to him. When he’s with Amalia (her housekeeper), he’s fine. He loves her and plays calmly with her. But when he’s with me, he’s impossible. He throws temper tantrums when he doesn’t get his way. He goes to sleep easily at night for David but not for me. I want so much to be a good mother and I can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong. I never get angry with him but sometimes I feel like throwing him across the room! I need help!” “Rachael, when you are with Nathan, what do you think is more important to you – to get him to love you or to be loving to yourself?” Rachael replied instantly. “To get him to love me. I never think about loving myself. I just want him to love me. If he loves me, then I know that I’m a good mother.” “And what does it say about you if you are a good mother?” “It means that I’m okay,” “So you have handed to Nathan the job of defining your worth. He has to love you for you to be okay. What do you think is most important to David?” “Oh, David takes good care of himself. He really doesn’t seem concerned about whether or not Nathan loves him. He’s very loving to Nathan, but if David wants to eat dinner when Nathan want to play with him, he just eat dinner and Nathan seems to accept it. If I want to have my breakfast when Nathan wants to play, Nathan has a tantrum.” “Rachael, Nathan has learned that he can manipulate you because you are so concerned with how he feels about you. As long as his loving you is more important to you than taking loving care of yourself, he will be able to manipulate you. This is not good for him or for you. It is too big a burden on him to have the responsibility of defining your worth. As long as your worth is attached to being a good mother, Nathan will be able to manipulate you.” “I can see that. Amalia is like David. If she has work to do, she just expects Nathan to play by himself, and he does. She loves him, but she is firm about what she needs to do. I can see that I give in all the time because I don’t want him to be upset with me. What can I do now to change this?” “First of all, you need to consciously detach your worth from being a good mother. You need to do some inner work on defining your worth separately from being a mother. Your sense of worth needs to be attached to who you are – your kindness, compassion, empathy, warmth, aliveness. You need to take responsibility for defining your own worth rather than making Nathan, David, or anyone else responsible. “Second, you need to care about taking care of yourself as much as you care about taking care of Nathan. Nathan is a brat with you because you don’t care about yourself when you are with him, so he has learned to not care about you. You are teaching him not to care about you when you do not care about yourself.” “Okay, I think I get this. I’m really going to try to do it differently.” Next week when we spoke in our phone session, Rachael reported that things had already dramatically changed. Nathan was listening to her, going right to sleep when she put him down, and seemed happier in general. His tantrums had not yet completely stopped, but they were far fewer. Rachael, too, felt happier because she was finally taking care of herself and her own needs. For the first time since giving birth to Nathan, she was having some time to herself.